Too Much Time Off!

It's been very nice to relax, lay in the sun, hang out with my boyfriend, house clean... all that good stuff.

But it's kinda harder than I thought to be away from work. I'm really starting to miss the studio. I'm not going back on Monday... or the Monday after that. Although Lea Ann said she might have a class that we can teach next week for ice skaters. I sure hope so. The studio is such a huge part of my life, it's weird to have it missing (even if it's just a few weeks).

So now in my time off, I'm just drinking wine, watching horror movies, and snuggling with my kitties.



God, I hope that doesn't sound pathetic.

Spring Cleaning

So the recital was fabulous! Tons of hard work that really paid off... we even managed to stay on schedule when a fire alarm went off during our 5th recital and we had to evacuate the auditorium.

My life had been building up to this one day for the past year. And it's happened and done with.... this brings many mixed feelings. I'm definitely glad to have some time off to relax and not have to think about work. But at the same time, I love my job... and I almost don't know what to do with myself. Which brings me to spring cleaning.

I've always been a pack rat. I never wanted to get rid of anything. In a big chest in my living room I still have work I've saved from elementary school and my old blankey that i grew up with. Nothing I need is in there, but it's like time traveling to open up the chest and peek inside. I will never get rid of anything in there. I used to be that way with my clothes, my books, my music, my movies, my knick-knacks, and so on and on and on. I used to live in a 2 bedroom apt in Corvallis and the entire 2nd bedroom was devoted to crap. Well now, things have changed. Ever since I moved away from Paul I developed the intense need to get rid of a lot of my stuff. Which I'm sure had to do with distancing myself from anything that had to do with our life together. And since living on my own and supporting myself (for what seems like the first time in my life), I haven't added to my stuff, and have had several periods in my time here, when I needed to purge myself of my things. Right now I have a big pile of stuff on it's way to Goodwill. It actually includes books (which I never get rid of), clothes (also hard to part with), the television from my bedroom (if you know me well, you know what a huge things that is), and my old 35mm camera. I could probably get some decent junk change for some of this stuff, but now that I file taxes as 'self employed', I have discovered the love of tax deductions.

So today, I had a lazy morning, went to lunch with Jonathan, and came home and rearranged my room, organized, scrubed the bathroom, and put more stuff in the donation pile. My god, do i feel good.

Oh, and to give my day a lovely cherry on top, I got a call from Melanie.

The Day of Dress Rehearsal

Friday was a 12 hour day at the auditorium. I showed up a couple hours early to help get everything set up (the place was a disaster area... I can't believe we paid money for that place). Dress rehearsals are fun though. The air is full of nervous excitement and all the little ones are so cute in their costumes. And getting the little two year olds in their costumes and on the stage without Momma is a great feat. Some had many tears, but eventually let go of Mom's hand and dared to fly around the stage with all the other little ones. I think those were the proudest of all the moms.

So the day was long, but really fun. I was so tired on the drive home, I thought I would pass out before my head hit the pillow. Of course life always has other plans... on the way home I had called Jonathan to say goodnight when I passed by a group of guys on the sidewalk. In a split second realized one of them had his arms pinned behind his back and was getting punched in the stomach. I could hear them screaming at eachother. Without a second thought I hung up the phone and called 911. It takes longer than I want to get through to an actual person when you call 911 from a cell phone (you have to verify you are making an emergency call before they patch you through). But I made my report and hoped they police could accomplish something.

Seeing that disturbed me. I called Dad and he understood how stressful that must have been for me and sympathized. Seeing violence in the movies, or even on the news is nothing compared to seeing the real thing. I always feel sad that there are people actually capable of that kind of angry hatred and violence. What kind of life must a person have that leads to that...

So the violent image was in my head and not going anywhere. And when my mind is not clear, sleeping is very difficult. I was already anxious enough about getting enough sleep before the big recital. So of course I had a sleepless night. There's nothing like entering one of the biggest days of the year, needing all the energy you can muster, and feeling weak and tired.

Beginning Again

I promised myself I would start writing again. It's been almost a year now since I realized my marriage failed and I stopped writing. But today was my last day of teaching Spring classes, tomorrow is a day full of dress rehearsals, and the next is a day full of recitals. I'm exhausted, my mind is flying through all the things to be done in the next two days... yet I felt the sudden urge to take the time to write. Maybe just to prove to myself I'm still capable. And I will start regularly writing again.